It took Kirk a moment to realize that Spock had spoken. It took another to realize that it had been in English. He had learned a little Vulcan, since their mission began. And a little more, since their relationship had begun. But, God knew, Kirk sometimes found it hard to conjugate, especially while they were...being conjugal.
They had been in Kirk's quarters for almost an hour, and in his bed for about half that time. An abandoned chess game gleamed dully in the dark main space, just visible from where they now lay together. Not that they'd been looking. Since they'd found some excuse to postpone the game and adjourn to the bedroom area, they'd only had eyes for each other.
And Kirk wanted this to continue. Yet, he also wanted to know what Spock had said. It had sounded good. Of course, everything Spock said...indeed, all the noises he made, sounded good. And everything he did felt good. Very good... Kirk shook himself mentally, before he could change his mind about a conversation. He spoke, a little hoarsely.
"Spock, love? What did you say? It's okay... I'm just curious."
There was a pause. Then Spock spoke, distractedly--pleasing Kirk immensely--but clearly. "Buddha...it is said that he taught, 'Just as we can know the ocean because it always tastes of salt, we can recognize enlightenment because it always tastes of freedom.'"*
Kirk was so moved that he actually stopped moving, and let his body relax back to the bed. He looked up, into Spock's face, and found the other man's eyes just where he'd wanted them, a moment ago--fastened on his body. Kirk smiled. He brought his right hand up until it was under Spock's chin, and tilted his face up so that their gazes met. Spock's expression was shy, in a way that Kirk found most endearing. His smile was, too, as it formed now, mirroring Kirk's own. Kirk guessed that Spock probably hadn't really realized he'd spoken, either.
"Spock?"
"Yes, Jim?"
"Don't be embarrassed. I just wanted to know...what you'd said. And...why. Those are beautiful words."
"Yes."
Another pause.
"What is the Terran expression? 'Sweets to the sweet.' You are very beautiful. You deserve such words."
Kirk actually blushed. And, which surprised him more, enjoyed it. No other lover, he reflected with another wave of pleasure, had made him do that. Certainly not in bed.
"Oh, Spock..."
"Why do you blush, t'hy'la? It is true."
"Thank you, Spock. I...thank you."
A long moment passed.
"But, Spock..."
"Yes?"
"Well...I'm glad you find me...attractive. You know I find you...beautiful, too." Kirk let his hands emphasize his words, stroking lightly over Spock's back. His lover closed his eyes for a moment, and sighed. Kirk grinned widely. When Spock's eyes returned to his face, Kirk composed himself and continued.
"Do I really...remind you of enlightenment? And...freedom? Do I really...represent that?"
Spock looked surprised. At least, as much as he ever did. Even during these times, alone in either of their quarters, his expressions were subtle.
"Of course, Jim. You are my t'hy'la. That concept, and the form of it I share with you, personifies a special form of enlightenment. As well as freedom. You enlighten and free me, continuously. As does our relationship. And our love."
Spock paused, visibly thoughtful.
"Indeed, Jim, that is how I...recognized you. As my t'hy'la. By the way you felt. And the way you tasted. When we first began to be...intimate." He smiled, the memory still very sweet and recent. "I must have been reminded of that realization, just now--when my tongue touched your throat..."
Spock paused again, a trace of the earlier shyness returning to his face.
"Is it not the same for you, Jim?"
Kirk smiled in the way that reminded Spock of a sun. And it warmed him in a similar way. Just to make his meaning clear, Kirk soon spoke.
"Oh, yes, Spock. Now that you mention it, I know exactly what you mean. And I feel...much the same way. I just hadn't thought about it, about us...in quite that way, before. Thank you, Spock."
"Of course, Lasha. You are most welcome. Vulcan teachings are rather clear on this matter. I am aware that Human experts have always varied on the same point. I apologize for neglecting to initiate this conversation sooner. It is clearly beneficial to both of us, and to our future relationship. Perhaps we can continue it, later this evening."
As he finished speaking, Spock's hands began to move. His thoughtful expression didn't alter, and his eyes never left Kirk's. Kirk frowned, slightly, trying to remain still. At first, he thought Spock's movements were unconscious. But a certain suspicion, leading to a simple probing of their Bond, told him otherwise. Talk about your crafty Vulcans... Kirk thought, and laughed aloud. Spock almost managed his classic eyebrow elevation...before he winked. And his hands sped up.
That did it. Kirk's body told him that the time for talking had passed, and his mind told him that they could always return to that activity later. He resumed his movement, and was most gratified when Spock responded.
An hour flew by, very pleasurably. Several more followed it, passed in peaceful slumber.
As usual, Spock was the first to awaken. He watched Jim sleep, something he enjoyed, and waited patiently for his lover to wake up. Spock looked forward to resuming their conversation and knew that Jim, when well rested, would too.
*******
*Quoted in Oprah's O magazine, by Martha Beck. I highly recommend all 3 teachers. (Beck continues, "There's no essential difference between real love and enlightenment. While many people see committment as a trap, its healthy versions actually free both lovers, bring out the flavor of their true selves, and build a love that is satisfying, lasting, and altogether delicious.")
Mycroft Holmes
North End, Boston
26 Elul 5763 / September 23 2003