Incident
Report
By K’Sal
Spock,
I am
transmitting you a rough draft of my incident report. I want to remind you that
regulations require that I receive a copy of yours.
There
is a logical reason for calling this a “CYA” form, you know. Quite appropriate,
wouldn’t you agree?
Kirk
out.
Starfleet Incident
Report
(I.
Fill out report completely and accurately.
(II.
Transmit a copy of this report to any other Starfleet personnel
who were involved.
(III.
Active duty personnel are required to transmit a copy to your Commanding
Officer.
(IV.
Transmit the completed report to Starfleet Headquarters,
Operations, Division 10, SubOffice 34 within 10 days of the incident.
Warning: Willful filing of an inaccurate or incomplete report is a
violation of S.M.C. Article VI, Section 11, Subsection 24, Paragraph 4. Failure
to report an incident may cause Starfleet to surrender jurisdiction in the
event of charges by external authorities. Penalties under Starfleet Military
Code for improper filings may include reduction in rank, dishonorable
discharge, loss of military pension, and rehabilitation sentencing, as
appropriate.
Section I. Parties
Name, Rank, Posting and Federation ID Number of Filer:
James
T. Kirk, Commander Level 4, Captain USS Enterprise, (I'll look up my FIN later)
Commanding Officer of Filer:
Komack!!!!
Was Filer Personally Involved?
Yes,
and caught red-handed at it, too. Or is that red-faced?
Date of Incident:
Stardate
2266.2772
Location:
Secure
Conference Room D
Federation
Diplomatic Center
Antares
VIII
List All Starfleet Parties Involved:
Spock
of Vulcan, Commander Level 3, First Officer and Science Officer USS Enterprise,
S179-276SP
List All Non-Starfleet Personnel Involved:
Vulcan
Ambassador Soran and a fleet of Vulcan flunkies, two of whom also witnessed some
of the action. Their names are unknown to me.
Section II. Impact
Losses Or Adverse Consequences:
(Describe all losses or negative outcomes of the incident as fully
as possible in the appropriate categories. Enter none for a category only if
certain that no adverse impacts relating to the category have occurred. List
any mitigating arguments available to Starfleet related to the loss or adverse
outcome.)
Loss Of Sentient Life:
None
Loss of Non-Sentient Life:
None
Injury To Sentient Life:
None
Injury To Non-Sentient Life:
None
Loss or Damage To Starfleet Property:
None
Loss or Damage To Other Property:
None
Damage to Diplomatic Relationships:
Speculatively,
Vulcan. I am unable to be more specific at this time.
Damage to Starfleet’s Reputation:
I doubt
it, but let’s put it this way: Ambassador Soran’s opinion of Starfleet’s
diplomatic priorities may have been adversely affected. The question is, do
Vulcans gossip? If so, the damage may spread. In mitigation I would argue that
whatever anyone thinks about my actions, the Sc’annna and the Vithans did reach
an agreement in principal on truce, and sign a cease-fire to end a
centuries-long armed conflict. It worked.
Violation of Starfleet Regulations:
None,
or so I maintain.
Any Charges Or Legal Actions Under Civilian Legal Codes:
None
anticipated at this time. It’s hardly illegal, as far as I know. This incident
occurred on Starfleet territory, in a secure facility, in what was supposed to
be a private conference room. In mitigation of any possible complaints I would
argue that Starfleet has jurisdiction and that Vulcans, who insist on their own
privacy, should not open closed doors of secure conference rooms unless given
permission to enter. I maintain further
that since Ambassador Soran’s unwarranted intrusion was the source of the
problem, logically he should just forget about what he saw, and instruct his
staff to do the same. On the other hand, Vulcans rarely find human arguments
logical.
Itemize Any Other Known Or Suspected Adverse Outcomes:
Known:
Commander
Spock no longer appears to be speaking to me outside of duty. Since leaving
Antares VIII he has been spending his off-duty time (not that there’s much of
it, considering his duties and his complete attention to them) brooding in his
quarters. I consider this a very adverse outcome and a strategically flawed
course of action.
Suspected:
I
suspect that Vulcans do gossip, and that someone, somewhere, is going to be
hearing from Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan as a consequence of this incident. I
also want to note for the record that Ambassador Sarek’s wife, Amanda Grayson
of Terra, reputedly has a mean right hook and is willing to use it.
It is
possible that Commander Spock’s reputation in Vulcan society and thus his
long-term future may be affected adversely. All possible actions to prevent any
such result should be taken. I have no idea concerning what those actions might
be, but I am more than willing to go along with whatever is necessary.
Komack
will certainly get his knickers in a twist if he hears about it. Of course, if
the Vulcans don’t complain to Starfleet, this won’t happen. But if they do or
they might, I need to start defensive maneuvers immediately. For one thing, I
can argue that Komack gave us an impossible job that, pursuant to our orders,
we accomplished, and that he is acting out of irritation that we were
successful at a task he was afraid to touch.
This
will be credible. His reputation for grandstanding is well known; if he had
believed the Fleet could make any progress reconciling the Sc’annna and the
Vithans he would have arranged to be present to take credit for it. The
“Diplomatic Admiral” spread far too many rumors about an earlier situation to
be believed now. A few years ago I lit a backfire that will be useful. In
short, I can take care of the Fleet side of this, but I would rather not be
blindsided.
Section III. Scope And Circumstances
Did This Incident Occur In The Line Of Duty?
I
believe so. Commander Spock and I were assigned as the Starfleet
representatives at peace negotiations between the Sc’anna and the Vithans. At
the time of the incident, we had completed the afternoon session in which the
Sc’anna told me in heart-rending detail yet another chapter of their
grievances, most of which dated from a period several hundred years past, while
Commander Spock was no doubt getting a similarly detailed explanation from the
Vithan point of view.
We had
retired to Secure Conference Room D, as we normally did after the afternoon
sessions. As far as the Sc’anna and the Vithans knew, we were actively involved
in discussing the merits of the stated grievances during our conferences.
Certainly that was the impression we conveyed to them at the evening sessions,
during which the Commander and I argued vociferously, at length, and with a
ridiculous degree of determination about the grievances that we were supposed
to be discussing during our private conferences. We carried our debates on
outrageous claims of injury and outrageous settlements to the point that even
the Sc’anna and the Vithans concluded that these matters could be settled with
less animus and discord than we were showing. Then we let them patiently make
peace between us. Some evenings we made them work pretty hard at it too – they
needed the practice.
I
maintain that our private conferences were a necessary part of our strategy,
given the total impossibility for a human of maintaining a straight face for
more than a few hours at a time during these events. Therefore they must be
considered a form of duty, in the same sense that diplomatic dinners are
considered part of a duty assignment.
(And as
an aside, if the Commander is still sulking about being forced to spend hours
defending the Vithan claim that the Sc’anna should not be allowed to wear
orange on the grounds that the color orange belonged exclusively to the Vithan
royal house, may I point out the following?
A. The Commander’s very logical and
detailed argument supporting the Vithan claim was a masterpiece of debate.
B. I have it recorded, and might
consider playing that recording at a staff meeting as an example of the power
and influence of logic.
C. We only flipped for who got to
represent which lot of bad boys because the Commander stated that he could
express no preference for one side.
D. That the coin I flipped had two
heads has no bearing on the outcome – the Commander had the opportunity to pick
the Sc’anna in the first place. Furthermore, using the double-headed coin was
merely a way for the Captain to demonstrate the logical pitfalls of agreeing to
such a thing. I doubt the Commander will ever forget that you can’t trust
coin-flipping humans without, at a minimum, inspecting the coin, and this
proves the logic of my training procedures.
E. If the Commander had won the toss
he would still have expressed no preference for either the Sc’anna or the
Vithans, thereby forcing me to assign him a group. A human can’t logically be
blamed for wanting to avoid a sulking Vulcan, can he?
F. If you had asked to check the coin,
I have three. A two-tailed one, a two-headed one, and one with heads and tails.
I took them off Gary Mitchell years ago, after I noticed that an Andorian trade
delegation left our ship with little else but the clothes on their backs and
confused expressions. The right way to flip coins is to demand to toss the coin
yourself and tell the other party to call their side while the coin is in the
air. You palm the tails coin, flip the heads coin, cover it with your hand
while confirming their guess, and then you substitute the tail coin if
necessary. Full disclosure has been made.
G. References to Fizzbin have no
logical validity in this context.)
Describe The Incident:
(Include as much detail as possible about the incident and any
relevant interactions with non-Starfleet personnel. List any mitigating factors
or justifying circumstances.)
While
the Commander and I were engaged in sucking face, Vulcan style, in “Secure”
Conference Room D, Ambassador Soran entered unexpectedly and without
permission. I can certainly state that the Ambassador did not knock, key the
entrance signal, or verbally request permission to enter. Commander Spock and I
were not even aware that Ambassador Soran and his party were present on Antares
VIII.
Due to
the level of physical and mental concentration we were devoting to this aspect
of our diplomatic endeavors, neither of us noticed the Ambassador’s intrusion
for an unknown interval of time. In response to a comment made in Vulcan, which
I did not understand, the Commander and I abruptly terminated our negotiations
and turned to find the Ambassador and two large aides just inside the
conference room entrance, contemplating us with raised eyebrows. Further
repartee, also in Vulcan, was exchanged between the Ambassador and the
Commander. The Ambassador and his two aides left the room. I found this
logical.
After a
thoughtful interlude, the Commander informed me that he would “deal with the
situation”, and also left the room. I was not sure if this was logical or not,
and after a few moments of regretful reflection upon the interrupted argument
and the phrase “it takes two to tango”, I also exited.
Outside
in the corridor I found the Commander confronting the Ambassador, the two large
goons (whoops, sorry, I meant “aides”) and another three Vulcans. They were
speaking Vulcan. Something about the Commander’s crossed arms, rigid posture,
lack of expression, and tone of voice recalled a past discussion in which the
Commander had explained to me in detail the logical fallacy of certain of my
actions. Assuming that the Commander was explicating the illogic of Ambassador
Soran’s intrusion, I advanced to the Commander’s side, crossed my arms, adopted
my best Klingon repellent expression, and stared at the goon standing at
Ambassador Soran’s right.
The
reinforcements appeared to have some effect. The two goons (sorry, “aides”)
moved up in front of Ambassador Soran, possibly fearing attack. While I was
wondering if a slow frontal advance would be advisable, the Commander appeared
to reach the culmination of his logical exposition. All parties then fell into
a meditative, brooding silence of the type for which Vulcans are so justly
famous. After a minute or two Ambassador Soran seemed to reach some conclusion;
a few brief remarks between the Ambassador and the Commander were exchanged and
then the Ambassador’s party retreated.
Here
the incident seemed to end. In later interactions with the Ambassador and his
party no mention was made of the altercation. The only repercussions I could
see were that none of the Ambassador’s party would stand closer to me than ten
feet for the remainder of the conference. This led me to believe I might have
slightly overdone my best Klingon repellent expression, especially because they
also seemed somewhat skittish around the commander. Still, they were not
explicitly complaining about it to me.
If any
official complaints regarding the incident are made, I would suggest that the
best defense would be a strong offense. The Ambassador had no right to intrude
on our privacy. No public display of affection was made. Any contention that
the Commander and I were neglecting our duties will not stand against the
facts. We were successful because of our unorthodox strategy, not in spite of
it. The face-sucking was an integral part of that strategy.
A
Vulcan normally appears remarkably calm by the standards of most species, even
when under fire or in great physical stress. The Commander is no exception to
this rule. In order for our strategy to succeed, it was necessary for the
Sc’anna to receive the impression that the Commander was truly engaged on the
side of the Vithans in our evening session. I had noticed previously that if
a bout of face-sucking is interrupted
before it has reached its logical culmination, the Commander, while perfectly
able to function, remains in a deeply focused state until able to amend this
illogical situation. His fixed stare, alert demeanor and a high level of
concentration on the other participant may seem to other species a lot like
aggression. Thus, sucking face during our private conferences was extremely logical
under the circumstances.
Fully Describe The Incident:
(Include a description of all circumstances that may be relevant.)
This is
a tall order. I’ll do the best I can. Assistance in determining all relevant
circumstances would be helpful.
It seems
that while attempting a relief operation for some damaged Federation
freighters, several Vulcan ships had gotten caught in the intersystem crossfire
between the Sc’anna and the Vithans. While I suspect that the weaponry involved
was about as dangerous as a popgun to the Vulcan ships, perhaps the incident
offended their dignity. For all I know, the commanders were forced to file an
incident report under regulations and found all that paperwork very illogical.
In any case, Vulcan filed a complaint with Starfleet which handed it off to our
fearless leader, the Diplomatic Admiral.
A visit
to their home systems having failed to resolve the matter, by some means Komack
got the principals holed up at the Diplomatic Center. Orders were duly
transmitted to the Enterprise to divert to Antares VIII, where the Enterprise
was scheduled for maintenance and its Captain and First Officer were scheduled
for an exercise in diplomatic futility.
As a
result of certain events a few years ago Grand Admiral Nogura disclosed to
Admiral Komack that Commander Spock was the son of the then-retired Vulcan
Ambassador. Knowing this, one might speculate that Komack decided to involve
the Commander in the negotiations with the idea that Vulcan would consequently
be unlikely to make waves about Starfleet’s lack of success. But as I have been
told so often, it is illogical to speculate, so I won’t.
After
the Commander and I had spent several days of preliminary discussions with our
parties, certain minor technical obstacles to a diplomatic solution became
apparent.
One:
Neither the Sc’anna or the Vithans displayed any interest in suspending
hostilities.
Two:
Both parties exhibited indignant hostility towards Starfleet, and stated very
explicitly that Starfleet was trying to force them to adopt a doubtful peace
without regard to their own internal interests. Starfleet, they asserted, had
no respect for fundamental justice.
Three:
The Federation, according to them, had no right to prevent them from carrying
their war into any sector of space beyond their respective home systems.
Independently both the Sc’anna and the Vithans assured us that they of course
would avoid our home systems, that is as long as the Federation ceased its
interference in Sc’anna/Vithan affairs. The Sc’anna seemed to expect
considerable gratitude for this generous forbearance.
Four:
They wanted to go home, if possible shooting at each other on the way there.
Both
the Commander and I agreed that the Sc’anna and the Vithans were the least
likely candidates for a peace assured by conditional Federation protectorate
status we had ever encountered. However, our Chief Engineer assured us that he
highly approved of the opportunity to take advantage of the maintenance
facilities at the Antares VIII shipyard. While you can irritate the occasional
Admiral and survive, Starfleet commanders soon discover that letting down your
Chief Engineer is always a losing tactic. It became apparent that the Commander
and I were doomed to negotiate with the Sc’anna and the Vithans for as long as
it took to resurface the Jeffries tubes.
With
that in mind, the Commander and I decided that the first logical step would be
to introduce elements of reality into the worldview of the Sc’anna and the
Vithans. Before the warp drives were brought down for maintenance we loaded the
Sc’anna and the Vithans on board and scouted until we found a group of them
engaging in warfare. It was a colorful spectacle; my Senior Navigator described
it as “paintball in space.” Notwithstanding the combatants’ enthusiasm,
remarkably little actual destruction was taking place.
Following
our plan, and being careful not to inflict injury, the Enterprise used its
tractor beams to seize ships and transport them elsewhere, transported groups
of the combatants out of their ships and onto the cargo decks, and generally
wreaked havoc. The Sc’anna and Vithan delegations were given a ringside seat
for these activities.
On our
journey back to Antares VIII they were a soberer if not friendlier lot.
Commander Spock and I met with them and pointed out that many Federation ships
had automatic defense systems that might be accidentally invoked by Sc’anna/
Vithan crossfire; we let them watch while we vaporized an asteroid with the
ship’s phasers. Point three had been dealt with.
We
found their reaction interesting – both sides now showed a tendency to draw
together against what they seemed to perceive as the Federation threat. The
Sc’anna and the Vithans protested in unison our interruption of their conflict,
and advanced the same arguments against it. Both sides agreed that our
interference would negate the current battle and must force it to be refought.
When not making claims for indemnity against the Federation, they proceeded to
negotiate the circumstances and timing of this future battle with each other.
In all
of this the Sc’anna and the Vithans showed a level of trust and confidence in
each other which seemed puzzling. Both species seemed to enjoy the armed
conflict, and to regard the Federation’s intervention in it as that of an armed
bully. Upon questioning it emerged that the “skirmishes” were occurring away
from their home systems because they did not wish to disrupt their shipping
lanes; discreet observation confirmed that a regular traffic of ships was
continuing between the two systems. At this stage I began to wonder if this
wasn’t some form of interstellar football and asked them what the purpose of
these armed encounters were.
The
Sc’anna and the Vithans were more than willing to expound upon their grievances
against each other with a degree of bombastic enthusiasm which I found amazing
and they seemed to find deeply enjoyable. To me the function of the two
delegations appeared to be that of referees to the conflict. As far as I could
understand the situation, these two species had evolved a way of isolating
conflict to prevent disruption of society proper instead of resolving the
conflicts at their source. Peace was not the desired outcome of their
activities – I believe they would have found it too boring. However, as Commander
Spock observed, the presence of referees must logically indicate that these two
species had developed a mutual rules system and therefore a method of mutually
agreeing upon the rules.
I won’t
go into much more detail; the full exposition is available in our report on the
conference itself. To summarize, Commander Spock and I decided to adopt the
strategy of portraying diplomatic negotiations as a form of dramatic cognitive
war. We also agreed that the Sc’anna and the Vithans had a deep regard for “fairness”
as they understood it and must be convinced that Starfleet and the Federation
did take their rights and therefore their grievances seriously.
I will
conclude with the observation that the Commander found this strategy profoundly
illogical on its own merits, but agreed to participate because he could not
logically refute my assertion that humans were far better equipped to
understand the illogic of other species than Vulcans. Left to his own devices,
the Commander would simply have sat down and explained the illogic of their
thought processes to the Sc’anna and the Vithans. It was only after I pointed
out to him that this logical approach rarely worked with humans and was, in
essence, too boring to stand a chance of success with the Sc’anna and the
Vithans that he conceded the unfortunate necessity of more dramatic techniques.
In
closing I would like to note that the Commander maintains that logically the
Federation should immediately dispatch diplomatic missions to make peace
between the teams of North Atlantic football league. He has gone so far as to
point out that the Federation requires internal peace as a prerequisite for
membership; after viewing certain vids I showed him while we were trying to
understand the nature of the Sc’anna/Vithan conflict he believes that Terra
never truly qualified for Federation membership and Vulcan agreed to its
membership on the basis of a misunderstanding.
I
suggest that he not be further irritated by an unduly active inquiry into these
matters – it might serve to recall this chain of logic to his mind. I have
taken the precaution of deleting all holovids of organized Terran sports from
the Enterprise databanks, but his research skills are legendary, and it must be
conceded that he has potential influence in Vulcan diplomatic circles.
End
Transmission
Captain,
As you
appear to be aware, logically there can be no need of an incident report unless
a complaint is made to Starfleet. I informed you at the time that I would
resolve the issue. I have, and no Vulcan agency will contact Starfleet about
the events on Antares VIII. Consequently I find it illogical and inefficient to
prepare such a report.
I would
find it logical to receive a copy of your report on the conference.
Spock
Out
Spock,
You
really aren’t speaking to me, are you?
Logically
that causes me to believe that there are going to be further consequences of my
behavior on Antares VIII. Okay, I’ve thought about it and I have to admit that
from a Vulcan perspective I’m irritating, illogical and human, but I was just
as irritating, illogical and human eight months ago.
Are you
in trouble over this, Spock? Four messages from Vulcan have come through for
you over the last five days. Something is going on.
You
have no obligation to me in any way. If you want to forget about the last eight
months, fine. I promise you I won’t pressure you for anything...personal. But
Spock, you have to realize that I’m to blame for this and that you don’t have
to face it alone. I meant what I said – anything I can do I will. Try me, I
might surprise you. I’m resourceful!
Exactly
how did you “resolve the issue” with Soran? That was one unhappy Vulcan.
I
haven’t finished my report yet, but if you’ll read the incident report you’ll
get the drift. I’m making it clear that you found the proceedings very
illogical and that you just went along with my idea because you couldn’t figure
out any way to handle it more logically.
The Vulcans did try talking with the Sc’anna and the Vithans and failed,
right?
Kirk
Out
USS Enterprise
Communications Web
Text
Message 410138
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Jim,
I find
our relationship logical and I do not wish to alter it. Nonetheless, it was
necessary to characterize that relationship to Ambassador Soran as a result of
his unintended intrusion. Vulcans do not brood or sulk; I have been evaluating
the logical repercussions, as well as attempting to redress four weeks of
neglect of the Enterprise’s scientific program.
I will
answer your questions if you will first answer one of mine: Am I correct in
believing that your actions of seven months, 23 days and six hours ago were
intentionally directed towards achieving the outcome that did occur, and that
you have been satisfied with the result?
I find
you quite human. I also note that while you do take an illogical enjoyment in
representing your means as randomly motivated, the ends that you pursue are
logical, and the means that you choose are generally remarkably effective in
attaining your goals. The word “irritating” connotes an emotional reaction; I
am Vulcan and therefore it can not apply to our interactions.
I await
your response.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410163
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
You’re
confusing me – not that it’s the first time. Have you ever heard the saying
about Vulcans being an enigma posed as a riddle and contained in a puzzle box?
Vulcan
or not, Ambassador Soran obviously knew what he was seeing when he saw it. We
were really going at it, Spock – there wasn’t much room for “characterizing”
what he saw. Explaining to the man that I was attempting to remove an
obstruction from your airway with my tongue was obviously not going to work, or
I’d have tried it. I don’t think his intrusion was unintended, either. He had
no business walking in when he did and he knew it.
If by
the “seven months and 23 days” you meant our wrestling bout, I certainly found
the outcome pleasurable and satisfying, if not expected. I’d go so far as to
say the outcome was extremely logical, but that’s not true if there are
negative consequences for you. I should have asked you then about the
implications for you. I’m truly sorry, and I apologize.
Spock,
talk to me. I’ll do whatever’s needed to fix this for you.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410174
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Jim,
I will
grant that you could not have anticipated the precise outcome, but are you
claiming that you did not intend to provoke a response similar to mine when you
requested that I be your wrestling opponent on that day?
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410178
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
It was
a lucky shot, okay? I do get lucky sometimes – I’m practically famous for it.
Though
I’m not denying responsibility for the mess you’re in. Spock, I’ve answered
your question. Could you answer mine now?
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410249
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Jim,
I have
considered your claim but I find it logically implausible, nor do I think that
you can attribute your success to a “lucky shot”. I have noticed that what
humans term your luck is generally the result of a very deliberate strategy on
your part to maximize the possibility of outcomes in your favor.
In
evaluating your assertion I considered the following:
1)
Five
weeks prior to our encounter in the gym, you claimed to be confused about a
passage in the logs of the Vulcan ship “Hth-Lan”. You requested a more complete
definition of the various Vulcan words that are translated as “death” in
Standard.
2)
Two
weeks prior to your invitation to wrestle, you had suggested that instead of
chess we should “take a mental shore leave” by melding “for fun”. You appeared
to find the experience extremely gratifying. The next day you told me that if
in the future I should determine that you were in need of rest and recreation
and decide that my duty required me to ensure that you obtained it, it would be
far more “logical and efficient” to meld with you than “dump” you on some
planet with “unknown dangers”. You added that of course it would only be
logical if I were to receive some benefit from the meld and suffer no negative
effects.
3)
In
the interval between my Pon Farr and until your invitation to wrestle, you and
I had never engaged in any form of combat exercise, nor had you requested it.
4)
You
normally work out with members of Security. A number of Security staff were
present in the gym that day.
5)
Your
invitation was emphatic and reiterated.
6)
You
asked me to leave the main gym and go with you to Exercise Room C, the door to
which you then sealed.
7)
You
initiated the match by saying, “Okay Spock, let’s get down to it. No holds
barred and don’t hold back! The best two out of three, and let the best man
win.”
8)
After
I had pinned you twice and suggested that the bout had reached its logical and
indeed inevitable conclusion, given the differences between our strengths, you
looked at me, raised your eyebrows, and said “Really? I bid you achieve me and
then sell my bones. You’ll know I’m beaten when I tell you I yield, and not
before!” You spoke with great intensity, in a manner that seemed to constitute
both an invitation and a challenge. I know that any Vulcan would have gained
that impression and I believe that any human would have as well.
9)
After
I pinned you for the third time you continued to struggle and refused to yield
until I initiated a meld.
Before
reaching my conclusion I considered other factors as well. For years you had
made it clear that you found my company enjoyable and valued my friendship. You
openly called me a friend and more than a friend. You also consistently made it
clear that you trusted me and relied upon my judgment, and thus upon my logic.
In numerous ways you conveyed the impression that you accepted me as an
individual and did not regard the fact that I am Vulcan as a barrier between
us. You seemed to be aware of the mental tie between us, and you appeared to
find it logical.
On the
basis of this evidence and your obvious ability to infer the logic of alien
cultures, which you describe as intuition, I concluded that you had decided the
time was appropriate to complete the Kalifee and that your invitation to
wrestle was an invitation to do so.
You
state that you are confused by my question. I will rephrase it as a
hypothetical. If you had the choice today, would you choose to extend such an
invitation on the basis of your current knowledge?
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text Message
410362
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Captain,
I
regret the necessity, but logic forces me to request an answer to my query.
Neither logic nor human custom can be interpreted as obliging you to respond
affirmatively.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410391
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
That’s
a hell of a hypothetical question. You want me to answer your questions but
refuse to answer mine. That places a limit on my “current knowledge”, doesn’t
it?
So my
decision is that I’m not going to answer it, positively or negatively.
Logically you can’t decide that my lack of response means no, either. It
doesn’t. Let’s just put it this way – you seem to want me to flip a coin. I
don’t find it logical to flip coins without looking at both sides of the coin
first.
Regarding
the question in its original form: I was more than satisfied with the results of
our wrestling bout as far as I could assess them. It looks like I was not aware
of other results. It was never my intention to do any harm to you in any way.
It still isn’t. I really don’t know how to tell you what I intended, but I’ll
do the best I can. I’ve been trying to figure out how to answer you, not
ignoring you.
I see
why you concluded logically that it was a planned campaign, but honestly I
don’t know what you mean when you talk about completing the Kalifee. It’s been
over for years. You won the fight, no one can deny that. You told me that you
gave T’Pring to Stonn, so T’Pau must have ruled in your favor. It was just you
and me in the gym, and we certainly weren’t conducting some Vulcan ceremony.
Regarding
your evidence: yes, you’re my friend, and more than that. Yes, I enjoy your
company, rely on you and trust you. Yes, I said we had been made brothers and I
don’t think I was speaking out of “undue emotion”, either. I was being
accurate. Friends are chosen, brothers don’t get to choose.
Brothers
are born into the same family and share the same responsibilities and a common
framework, whether they are happy with it or not. Brothers can get angry with
each other, but when the rest of the family is in trouble they’ll always
cooperate. Brothers have something in common to defend, and always will.
Brothers own a piece of each other and can never give it away.
Spock,
I know you don’t always find my decisions logical. One of these days you might
get fed up with me and walk away to pursue a more logical existence, but I also
know something else. We could not talk to each other for years, we might both
leave Starfleet, but if something happened to threaten life in the Federation
we might very well find ourselves back doing what we’ve always done the way
we’ve always done it.
We both
chose Starfleet because Starfleet was a means to do what we both wanted to do
in the first place. You’ll never find it logical to tolerate the needless death
of one sentient being, whether you are fighting against that with science or
with phasers. We will always have something in common to defend and a reason to
cooperate under the worst of circumstances.
And as
night follows day, it follows logically that the fact that you’re Vulcan and
I’m human can’t be a barrier between us. As for what you call our mental tie,
well I do find it logical, and more than logical. It’s logical because it helps
us work together more effectively in a crisis. It’s more than logical because I
like it.
Spock,
humans like cats not because cats like humans but because cats find humans
useful. Cats are independent, obstinate, finicky and sometimes seem to treat
humans with disdainful contempt. Cats often seem to view humans as fumbling
servants that they only tolerate as long as they suspect we have good
intentions. But there’s something about watching a cat curled up in a patch of
sunshine, purring with contentment, that feels good to us humans. I like
hearing you mentally purr in the background when you’ve solved some scientific
puzzle. I like knowing when you’re not purring, because there might be
something I can do about it. Truthfully, there’s something more than that to it
– it’s orienting. It’s like having a mental rock to stand on.
As for
what I meant to do that day, I’m not sure I know anymore. Reading your
summation of the evidence made me wonder myself. The most honest answer I can
give you is that I wanted to open up a chink in your armor so I could talk to
you, but it wasn’t a very conscious strategy. Spock, I often act out of intuition.
It works, but it isn’t something that’s subject to a logical analysis.
I had
the sense that something was wrong, that something wasn’t quite right with you.
Nothing dire, but something. Then Bones told me that he was worried about you.
He said that he was pretty sure that you should be gaining weight after
reaching full maturity, but over the last few years you had been very slowly
losing weight and muscle mass. He said talking to you about his concerns was
useless, maybe worse than useless. He said it might be the environment; he
wasn’t sure if your body was getting the right physical cues.
I
wanted to talk to you about it, but I was pretty sure that if I asked you
directly I’d get an offended stare and you’d stalk off. Most of the time I
didn’t think about what happened on Vulcan, but when I did, I wondered about
some things. I don’t remember all of it – Bones says that’s a normal side
effect of the drugs he used. What I did remember was confusing. If the Kalifee
had to end with one of us dead, why did T’Pau call it when you broke my lirpa?
That made no sense – you were in a perfect position to finish me off. I didn’t
think she did it for my benefit – I thought she was on your side, that she
wanted to save your life. Why were there two stages of combat by custom? It had
to be a normal part of the ritual, because they had the leather straps ready
along with the lirpas. The drugs may have confused me, but I remember thinking
that you really didn’t intend to kill me either.
So I
asked you about the Vulcan words for death. I knew you weren’t going to find my
sudden interest in the Hth-Lan’s twenty-year study of amphibious form-changing
life on Theta Auriae II very plausible, and I didn’t care. I wanted you to call
me on it. But you didn’t, and you didn’t talk. As for the meld, well, all I can
say is that I found it logical at the time and you did too. But you still
weren’t talking, although I thought I could hear you purring a bit.
As for
the wrestling, well, that was a feint. I think I expected you to refuse which would have been grounds to ask you
about it later, privately. But you didn’t refuse. I wasn’t sure what was going
to happen when you accepted, except that I knew I was going to lose. I suppose
I didn’t want an audience. And by the way, Spock, in wrestling you are supposed
to knock your opponent off balance and pin them on the mat. Picking your
opponent up by the legs and the torso, kneeling, and gently placing his
shoulders on the mat is not wrestling as humans know it.
The
night before our wrestling match I’d watched the vid of Branagh’s “Henry The
Fifth” in the recreation room. The “I bid you achieve me”, etc is pretty much
what Harry tells the herald when he comes right before the battle to tell him
to surrender. The herald in Branagh’s production has a long face, dark hair,
and he looks at Harry with the same sort of compassionate restrained concern
you were showing to me. You were still in control and just kept getting more
controlled no matter what I did. I realized that this wasn’t going to work
either, and I was very frustrated, but I wasn’t going to give up.
Then
you touched me, asking me some sort of question while you were having some sort
of Vulcan epiphany of logic. So I yielded in an absent-minded way, because you
seemed to think it was logical, and I was more interested in finding out why
everything had suddenly become so logical than wrestling. By the time we made
it back to your quarters I was more in favor of exploring this new logic than
figuring out the why of it, and when we woke up the next morning, we were both
so convinced the world was a stunningly logical place that it seemed foolish to
question it. The human word for this is serendipity.
From
that point things just kept proceeding in a very pleasantly logical way. Bones
thought it was very logical that you were eating more, and you seemed to be
purring away in the Vulcan equivalent of a nice sunny spot. But obviously there
is some problem in this logical paradise, and that does make sense because
there’s an illogical human in it. Me.
Now,
this is the best I can do to answer your question. It’s your turn, logically,
to answer me. Spock, we don’t have to be lovers, but we are friends and in a
sense brothers, and we always will be for quite logical reasons. Even Surak admits
that all things have the right of self-defense. In defending you I am defending
my own interests, and so logically I have the right to know what’s going on. I
want an answer, Spock. And by the way, check your message queue. After shift
two messages came in from Sarek for you. The plot thickens. Probably they’re
something along the lines of “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth”.
The
only thing I can figure out from this talk about the Kalifee is that you must
still be married to T’Pring under Vulcan law. If that’s true I’m not pleased,
because I’ve never approved of adultery. I also think Surak would rule a
divorce had occurred, regardless of any legal technicalities. Spock, just let
me know what you need me to do or say.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410478
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Jim,
I see
your logic, although I decline to accept some of your assertions. Vulcans do
not purr. I will answer your questions.
I have
reviewed my father’s messages. I can assure you he is neither quoting
Shakespeare’s “King Lear” or any Vulcan analogue.
I am
not married to T’Pring in any sense, Vulcan or human. She blocked the tie that
existed between us when she challenged, which caused me to enter Plak Tau. The
link was then severed completely during the combat. I gave Stonn the use of my
rights in T’Pring after I believed you dead and I still find that decision
logical. I have not reinstated that link and I will not.
Jim, I
believe I now comprehend your confusion. Humans appear to regard ties such as
marriage to be created by a ceremony with legal standing and terminated by yet
another. Vulcan is a telepathic society, and a Vulcan is “married” if the full
link exists to another. No ceremony can create bonded minds and no ceremony can
unbind them. Such links were always protected from attack or outside
interference by custom, and are now protected by logic. The ceremony that
surrounds the Koon-Ut-Kalifee evolved to protect the participants from outside
interference when forming the full link and limit the scope of any possible
conflicts arising out of a challenge.
By
custom there were only two ways that T’Pring or I could be allowed to sever the
link that was established between us when we were children. The first way would
be if it never functioned and thus effectively did not exist. From ancient
times, if a male reached six cycles and had never entered Pon Farr or passed
into Pon Farr and consummated a link to another, such a link would be ignored,
and both would be considered free to consummate links to another. I was in my
fifth cycle when I entered Pon Farr for the first time, which is exceedingly
rare. T’Pring and I did not expect to consummate the link.
The
second way is by the Kalifee, which may be invoked by either the male or the
female at the time of the male’s first Pon Farr. There are several stages of
the Kalifee. The first involves an attempt to unilaterally sever the link,
which may be initiated by either the male or the female. If it is successful
the male’s Pon Farr will wane, because the male’s first Pon Farr is driven by
the signals emanating from the link from the female’s mind. Both will then be
free to seek another.
If
severance is not successful, and it often is not, a female will block the link
as much as she can and choose a champion to fight for her. A male would attempt
to block the link as far as he were able, and attempt to form a full link with
a male friend to supersede the childhood link to the female. This is the reason
why both females and males have the right to bring their closest friends to the
ceremony.
T’Pring
does not comprehend humans. Few Vulcans do. After she challenged and failed to
sever the link, she expected you to intervene and offer to link with me. This
would have ended a tie that had never satisfied her or me. Had you offered to
link with me and been successful, by our custom you would have had no right to
sever the link later unless I consented and we were able to do so without harm
to each other. The logic of this is that you, had you been Vulcan, would have
known the consequences and accepted them while you were rational. T’Pring
assumed that you were hesitant to create a lifetime link with me. When you did
not intervene she chose you as her champion, which was also highly logical
based on what she could perceive.
Jim, I
find your usage of the word intuition fascinating. In the past both you and Dr.
McCoy have defined human intuition as the processing of subconscious clues,
such as body language, in order to develop probable hypotheses about what seems
logically unknowable. You have consistently used this word to explain how you
obtained accurate information about the motives and purposes of extremely alien
beings. You correctly inferred that the cloud-being’s relationship to Cochrane
was essentially one of what humans call love. In the case of the creature that
attacked the Farragut you were able to accurately predict the creature’s
destination when we lost track of it.
In the
case of the Horta, after maintaining to all of the security party that the
creature was extremely dangerous and should be destroyed immediately upon
contact, you initiated some sort of truce when you encountered it. Furthermore,
you were certain that she would not attack – certain enough to request that I
meld with the Horta. As a result of having melded with her I can assure you
that your certainty was well-founded. When I first entered her mind she was
very aware that you were a sentient being who intended no harm to her but
wished to protect other sentient beings from attack.
You are
not a telepath by the Vulcan definition. You are capable of direct mind-to-mind
contact in some fashion. When I first felt the traces of the illogic of Pon
Farr I was not aware what was occurring, and believed I was merely suffering
mental imbalance. You were aware of my distress and approached me, offering
comfort in your way. I found your attempt deeply disturbing, both because I was
shamed that my illogic was apparent to others and because your offer seemed to
increase my mental imbalance. Therefore I requested that you cease your efforts
and told you that I required isolation. After you learned that my situation was
grave you approached me again. You silently offered ease and I accepted it,
without speaking, without touching in the Vulcan way, and without thanking you
in any human way.
I meant
to honor both you and the good doctor when I asked you to accompany me. I
wished to publicly recognize your generosity to me and acknowledge Dr. McCoy’s
discretion and his efforts to save my life. I was aware that my imbalance had
lessened, but you and I had not touched as Vulcans would have, and I was not
aware how perceptible the awareness between us would be to other Vulcans. I did
not expect T’Pring’s actions.
When
T’Pring chose you as her champion she did not believe that the combat would end
with your death. When T’Pau permitted it she did not believe it. Both were
aware that you wished to preserve my life; both were aware that I was aware of
this as well. From ancient times there have been two stages of combat. The
first is fought with the lirpa, and if the combatants are truly hostile it will
end in the death of the loser. Traditionally the second is initiated by one party
breaking the lirpa of the other; then the combat is continued with the
ahn-woon, physical strength and a form of mental struggle.
The
second stage will almost always end with the victor establishing a full link
with the loser. Again, neither party will have the right to end the link unless
the consent of the other is given and it can be accomplished without harm. It
was only after the fever of Pon Farr faded and I returned to rationality that I
understood the logic behind T’Pau’s decision to allow the combat. You did not
understand what was at stake and could not make a knowing choice, therefore you
would have had the right to get the link severed before my next Pon Farr.
You
have asked how I settled matters with Ambassador Soran, and you appear to be
somewhat suspicious of his motives on Antares VIII.
It is
illogical to speculate scientifically on the basis of insufficient data. When
dealing with diplomatic relations, I have often heard my father comment that it
is illogical not to speculate upon the motivations of other parties. I was
aware that Admiral Komack had wished to press charges against you for
disobeying his direct order at the time of my Pon Farr, and I also considered
the logical possibility that he might attempt to proceed against you under
other pretexts in the future. During the Babel conference I discussed this
possibility with my father and he agreed to “light a backfire” to prevent such
an eventuality. He arranged for T’Pau to inform Starfleet that you had Vulcan
citizenship, which would then allow him to intervene on your behalf if it
became necessary.
Once I
was informed of our assignment to handle the negotiations with the Sc’anna and
the Vithans I contacted Vulcan to request details on the prior contacts with
these two species. I was informed that Vulcan did not regard the principals to
be susceptible to logic, and had forwarded the request for diplomatic
intervention to establish a record of their unreceptiveness to diplomatic
overtures. This was considered a necessary diplomatic step before bringing a
proposal to quarantine both species before the Federation Council. Your
speculation about Admiral Komack’s motives for assigning us this duty may be
correct; I also considered the possibility that he intended to use this
situation to move against you. I contacted my father and warned him to be alert
to this possibility. He sent Ambassador Soran to Antares VIII; if the necessity
arose his report on the proceedings could be used to counter any assertions or
charges against you.
Nor did
Ambassador Soran intentionally intrude upon your privacy. If you will recall,
you were simulating physical arguments during our private conferences by
systematically raising your voice, hurling items of furniture across the room
and jumping up and down. I can assure you that I was grateful for the quiet of
the intervals when you permitted me la’thran kath. That is the Vulcan word for
the activity you refer to as sucking face, which I find a singularly inelegant
expression.
Upon
Ambassador Soran’s arrival he proceeded to inform the Sc’anna and the Vithans
of his presence and offer help if needed. The Sc’anna were quartered on the
level below us. Initially Ambassador Soran was somewhat skeptical about their
assertion that we were close to killing each other. An episode of sound effects
must have convinced him that in this the Sc’anna were reporting reliably.
Therefore it appeared logical to him to attempt to interrupt the conflict and
he brought several of his bodyguards to assist if needed.
La’thran
kath involves mental contact for the purpose of enjoying each other’s presence.
Due to the possibility that a non-telepath might have little defense against
forced participation, there are restrictions on this type of mental contact
with a member of a non-telepathic species unless consent has been verified by a
third party. There is also a widespread perception among Vulcans that humans
are illogically reluctant to engage in mental intimacy, and indeed I believe
that my father’s reputation for verbal persuasiveness was much enhanced by his
success in convincing my mother to form a link with him.
The
Ambassador questioned the logic of my activity. I told him to leave because you
found his entrance illogical. He agreed to do so if I would cease what appeared
to be logically inappropriate and leave you alone in the conference room. I
assured him that he had successfully ended this activity for the present and
that I would shortly join him outside the conference room to explain his error.
Specifically,
I informed the Ambassador that you might be a member of a species believed to
be non-telepathic, but you could not be classed as having no telepathic
abilities. I also explained that we were t’hy’la to each other and that you
would not find any attempt to separate our minds acceptable. He was skeptical
of my claims until you emerged from the conference room. You were expressing a
considerable degree of hostility and aggression both physically and mentally.
As I have explained, logic and Vulcan custom forbids interference with
another’s mental links. Such interference is regarded as an attack and may be
defended against, if necessary, with physical violence.
Ambassador
Soran concluded that you regarded his intrusion as that type of interference
and asked me to convey his apologies and regret for the misunderstanding. I
informed him I would do so when you were less perturbed, and that unless you
perceived an unjustified attack on your own or another’s rights you did not
initiate violence. There will be no complaints from Vulcan. I do not believe it
would be logical for either of us to complain of the Ambassador’s behavior; his
actions were based on a misunderstanding and were an attempt to prevent harm.
Have I
addressed your concern adequately?
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410497
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
Let me
make sure I’m understanding you.
If I
were to show up at your quarters with a bouquet of roses in my hand, kneel, and
ask you for the favor of your hand in marriage, would the answer I get be
something like “Jim, your request is superfluous, and therefore I find it
illogical?”
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410503
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Jim,
From a
Vulcan point of view your request would indeed be superfluous, however I would
not find the intent behind the request illogical. Perhaps from a human
perspective the question would not be superfluous, as we have not participated
in any sort of ceremony that might render us married by human norms.
I can
definitely state that I would find the bouquet of roses illogical.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410507
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
I just
want to clarify a few more things.
If I
were to show up in your quarters with a notice that I’m filing for divorce,
your response would be a raised eyebrow and the Vulcan equivalent of “Not on
your life?”
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410511
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Jim,
There is
no Vulcan equivalent of the phrase “Not on your life.” You have already stated
that you do not consider us able to terminate certain aspects of our
relationship because it would be illogical. Therefore I do not see the logic of
an attempt to abrogate the other aspects, unless you were to suffer harm
through them. The only logical response, therefore, would be to ask you to
explicate the causes of your dissatisfaction and attempt to assuage it.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410527
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
This
mental link stuff cuts both ways. You’ve got some nerve claiming you don’t purr
when I can hear cautiously muted purring from here. I think you’ve lost the
right to complain to me about full disclosure issues and Fizzbin, which I find
a very logical game. I’ll bet your father taught you poker right along with
your first instruction in science.
Let’s
review the hands:
Due to
Bones’ well-intentioned interference, we did not manage to get fully and
unambiguously hitched on Vulcan. If we had, I could have gotten the Vulcan
equivalent of a no-fault divorce.
You
preserved a discreet silence about the fact that we were probably hitched or at
least in the running to get hitched, because Vulcans don’t talk about these
things even among themselves, much less with humans to whom they’ve
accidentally gotten hitched. Meanwhile, you waited around for me to decide that
it would be logical to get hitched as Vulcans define it.
We got
hitched in Exercise Room C at my instigation during a supposedly rational and
definitely consensual moment, so “by logic and custom” there is no way for me
to get unhitched.
Ambassador
Soran is under the impression that we got hitched in Secure Conference Room D,
that I was a willing participant and a sex-crazed madman. How on earth did you explain the next five
days of sound effects? Did you tell him I enjoyed it so much I wanted to make it
the best seven rounds out of twelve? No wonder the Vulcans seemed nervous! They
were probably afraid I was going to jump on one of them and drag my victim into
Secure Conference Room A for a quickie while you were resting!
You’ve
been lurking in your quarters or hiding in the labs, trying to avoid the day of
reckoning, ever since we warped out from Antares VIII. You were planning to
wait till after your next Pon Farr to tell me this, weren’t you? Just in case I
came up with some sneaky illogical human tactic to claim we weren’t hitched.
But now you think you’ve pretty much taken care of all the loose ends.
Admit
it, you’re busted.
You’ve
got to deal with Sarek. I’m staring at a notification of a message from him.
Now I understand why you crushed your terminal back then. He’s your father,
he’s your problem.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410536
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Jim,
t’hy’la,
It is
possible that when you refer to “purring” you are attempting to describe a
mental sensation in a language inadequate to the purpose. I have been
meditating on the human concept of serendipity; perhaps that is what you are
sensing. I know that I do not emit a rhythmic rumbling from my chest.
My
father will not be a problem for you. It is probably a formal message of
congratulations on your success in reconciling the Sc’anna and the Vithans. He
has already informed me that you have been correctly registered as my t’hy’la
in the annals of the House of Surak.
With
regard to your admonition to “admit it”, I do not find it logical to argue
about human perceptions with my t’hy’la. You are human; thus it is logical that
you will interpret certain events in a different manner than a Vulcan. I can
assure you that Ambassador Soran’s party did not fear a sexual approach from
you. They merely wished to avoid engendering the impression that they were
attempting to interfere with your rights.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410551
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
You’re
bluffing. It is the only tactic available to you.
I never
understood what I was doing. Without knowledge of the consequences I can’t be
deemed to have consented. It was entrapment. In a telepathic society I can
prove I didn’t know, no matter how implausible it looks on the face of things.
Fold ‘em. You ARE busted. There’s a limit to even Vulcan powers of
equivocation, although I am deeply impressed by yours.
I’m not
going to fight you over this. But it’s not because you outmaneuvered me – it’s
because it’s my duty to protect the galaxy from the menace you have become, and
I always do my duty. If I let you go wandering around loose, who knows how many
innocent lives will be affected?
I’ve
thought it over, and I have to admit some responsibility for your twisted
genius. All those times you told me my tactics were illogical and I maintained
they weren’t – I can see now how the slow subtle corruption began. Of course,
in a telepathic society I can prove that I had no clue whatsoever that this was
occurring, but I don’t evade my responsibilities.
Plus,
I’m sort of looking forward to preparing this long list of my “sources of
dissatisfaction.” Number 1 is going to be withholding of conjugal benefits,
which is a very severe offense in Iowa. Let’s say your wife gets badly injured
in a flitter accident, and is in the hospital for eight months. If it was the
other driver’s fault, you can sue the other driver for loss of conjugal
benefits and make a mint, at least if you get enough men on the jury.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410565
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
My
t’hy’la,
I would
not make too long a list. Rights are logically reciprocal, and it might prompt
me to prepare my own. I am currently too deeply involved with my meditation on
serendipity to complete such a list, but I believe the first item must
logically be a request that you surrender the coins. I do not consider flipping
coins a logical way to make decisions, and I fear that this tactic may be used
to the detriment of others.
Vulcans
do not bluff. It is illogical.
The
first of my father’s messages to me concerned a recent conversation he had with
Grand Admiral Nogura. As a result of my message to my father, he had checked
Starfleet records and had discovered that your Vulcan citizenship did not
appear on your files. Believing that it was time to take official action about
this omission, he arranged an appointment with the head of Starfleet.
Imagine
his surprise when Admiral Nogura informed my father that your Vulcan
citizenship had been correctly recorded, but was suppressed from your official
file as a security risk. My father found this illogical, and inquired as to the
reasoning behind such an action. Admiral Nogura informed him that you and I had
been registered as domestic partners for years. However this information was
classified by your request because you feared it presented a possible security
risk to me, and was thus not reflected in either your or my official file. When
Starfleet processed your records, it was deemed that Vulcan citizenship might
serve as a clue to the suppressed information and thus it too was suppressed.
I do
not believe that you can make a credible claim of entrapment in light of this
information. I presume that this is the “backfire” you mentioned in your
incident report? If not, please specify the details. My father was most
displeased to discover that he had not been notified of his son’s change in
status. He did not find it logical, and I would prefer that he were not
surprised again in such a manner.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410572
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
t’hy’la,
How do
you pronounce that anyway?
Yes,
that’s the backfire. Komack was spreading rumors in the Admiralty that we were
lovers and that was why I disobeyed orders and took you to Vulcan.
Look
Spock, I never meant for Sarek to find out. It was just a precaution in case
you suddenly went into Pon Farr again. I could hardly send Sarek a notification
when I hadn’t notified you. I couldn’t notify you because Vulcans don’t talk
about Pon Farr, even among themselves. See? I was just following the rules. I
didn’t make them.
You are
not getting the coins. I promise not to use them on any Vulcans, not that I
expect the chance. The whole point of having the coins is that flipping coins
isn’t a logical way to make decisions; the coins allow me to arrange a much
more logical outcome.
You’re
usually much more logical than this. I suspect that trying to meditate on
serendipity in solitude is disturbing your thinking processes. It is a human
concept after all, and the logical thing to do would be to discuss it with a
human. I volunteer.
Look,
in theory I have spent all day holed up in my quarters, working on the
conference report. I’m not making any progress, and I suspect you’re not
achieving much either. Why not call it a day and proceed to contemplating logic
in private?
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410577
Recipient:
Captain James T. Kirk
Sender: Commander Spock
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Jim,
That
proposal appears logical. I will return to my quarters at 2200. Your assistance
in explicating the logic of serendipity would be most welcome.
End
Message
USS
Enterprise Communications Web
Text
Message 410578
Recipient:
Commander Spock
Sender: Captain James T. Kirk
Security: Biometric Confirmation
Spock,
That’s
my logical Vulcan! See you then.
End
Message
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